Sunday, January 16, 2005

oh wells.. i tot i'm supposed to be feeling pretty high and pretty happy? oh god.. no.. wad on earth has happened? so many things happened for the past whole week.. it had being badly with all the triffs.. not that it have ended.. then even lead on to the fight with mummy.. that day was damn bloody ........ how many buckets have i cried? i was even crying before that lo. watever la.. actually got lotsa things to say one.. but no words come out when i wanna type.. my mind's in a blank again. no one clearly noes wad i've been going thru.. no one.. i feel that i'm actually drowning in some deep pool with my hands flunging yet no one pulls me.. some ppl are floating boards to me.. but they come and go.. i wan my harbor, but i cant find it..

i'm feigning.. i've been hiding right under my own laughters and smiles.. i'm tired.. why do i even bother faking that i'm really happy when i'm not? why must i always try to be other's kaixinguo when i nid one myself? i dunno wad i'm doing now la.. dun ask me whether i'm alright.. cos even if i'm not, i'll still tell u i'm alright.. i dun wanna dwell onto this thing and make myself even more jialat.. the more u ask, the more i feel lk crying.. i think i've cried quite alot of times this week le.. so wad? no one can help.. and how many ppl noe that? even gh oso only noe about the fight with mummy..

thanks mel for even asking.. u made me feel that there's someone nearby suddenly.. i've always been pampered since young.. no matter wad happens, i noe there's someone nearby.. but now, i feel so lost that i dun even think anyone's there.. i believe i reach out for a hand, there'll be a hand nearby.. but i'm so tired of life that i dun even feel lk reaching out at all.. and to think that i feel that the hands out there are only ppl from our gang.. i noe there're others that care.. but i dun feel lk accepting it at all.. i dunno why.. the others includes someone i dun wanna include at all..

the princess left at
11:34 PM